Party Like a Rock Star

Even When You're Poor as Dirt

by Camper English

 

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Rock Star Blog: Items of Interest to Thrifty Hipsters Everywhere.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Not a bad idea...

PRODUCTION RIDER
FOR KATE KERSHNER'S
HOLIDAY VISIT HOME
TOUR.

BY KATE KERSHNER

- - - -

Please note the following points that shall be adhered to on Kate Kershner's Holiday Visit Home Tour. It is in the best interest of the VENUE (i.e.: JIM and CAROL KERSHNER'S rancher on 34th St. and the inhabitants therein) that these demands be strictly followed, if the VENUE ever wishes to see the TALENT (i.e.: KATE KERSHNER) come back after the 2006 Tour. This written agreement must be agreed upon and given no amendment unless specifically addressed with the TALENT.

Please also note that this rider would be unnecessary were it not for the now-canceled OPENING ACT (i.e.: Mike Kershner, brother and ultimate betrayer of TALENT), who got a little too popular (i.e.: a little too married) to come on Tour this year. TALENT, who no longer trusts anyone after OPENING ACT left for his own fancy TOUR and new VENUE, feels it best to have everything on paper. Although this document is not legally binding, it does work in accordance with the strict legality of the OFFICIAL CONTRACT (i.e.: Kate Kershner's birth certificate, verifying JIM and CAROL KERSHNER as Parents, and thus responsible for all future happiness).

LOAD IN:

TALENT arrives alone. Upon arrival, do not ask where CREW is. Do not get clever by saying boyfriend/your friend/special friend instead of CREW. Consider VENUE forewarned that when TALENT feels VENUE can act appropriately around CREW, TALENT will bring CREW. So TALENT will be arriving alone.


Read the rest of the McSweeney's story here.

I thought the two thousand I paid was a lot

Tax scofflaw's $200 million has buoyed state's cash flow

By AARON C. DAVIS, Associated Press Writer

Thursday, December 28, 2006

(12-28) 17:54 PST SACRAMENTO, (AP) --

We may never know if Taxpayer X is a Silicon Valley billionaire, Hollywood celebrity, or some other fabulously rich Californian.

But what's clear is that Taxpayer X did what few can fathom: settle up with the state this year for a whopping $200 million or so in unpaid taxes, almost single-handedly keeping the state's cash flow on track.

State officials can be penalized with jail time in California for disclosing taxpayer records. So the state has declined to share any details about whether one of its wealthiest residents was a scofflaw illegally sheltering money, or an heir paying up on an old family fortune.

Yet state officials also haven't been able to entirely keep Taxpayer X's existence a secret.

"This was a personal income tax matter, so this is an individual," said Patrick Hill, spokesman for the state's Franchise Tax Board, when asked to explain a spike in state personal income tax revenue of about $200 million last August. "We have taxpayer confidentiality ... I'm just forbidden from disclosing or characterizing this."

There are, however, clues about Taxpayer X.

State financial reports released this fall show budget officials expected an influx of $200 million in audit revenue last year after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger offered individual taxpayers amnesty to get right with the taxman.

Leading tax preparers in the state who helped clients navigate the clemency offer said they had heard about a "monster" deal with an unnamed taxpayer.

"It happened the very first month of the amnesty," said Claudia Hill, owner of a highly respected Silicon Valley tax firm, Tax Mam, Inc., and editor in chief of the Journal of Tax Practices and Procedures. "We were all laughing when the state came out so quickly and called (the amnesty) a success because the scuttlebutt was that it was all from one person."

Without more details about Taxpayer X, Hill and others said it would be impossible to gauge how much income he or she may have been hiding from the state, but the settlement could be a record in the state for an individual, several tax experts said.

Based on the state's top tax bracket, simple math says Taxpayer X paid on income in the neighborhood of $2 billion.

But was Taxpayer X a scofflaw?

"You can read between the lines," Hill said, elaborating broadly about the state's tax audit and amnesty programs, "These are the big nets for the big fish, and so I think it would be accurate to say these are high earners who are settling up with the state."

Exactly how much Taxpayer X paid California is unclear. In a recent report, the state's nonpartisan Legislative Analyst's Office listed $200 million in revenue this year from "an audit payment that had been expected in 2005-06." Other state reports have been more vague, saying audit receipts were far above forecast the month the payment came in.

Taxpayer X's payment alone could cover the cost of several state programs this year. For example, it's at least three times the state's annual budget for the California National Guard.

As sales tax receipts and other state income has fallen in recent months with a slowdown in California's construction and real estate sectors, Taxpayer X's payment has gone a long way toward maintaining the state's cash flow. For the fiscal year that began in July, the state is $47 million below revenue projections. Without the tax payment, the revenue gap would be five times as large.

"The name would be fascinating," said Assembly Budget Chair John Laird, D-Santa Cruz, when told about the case.

Identifying Taxpayer X wouldn't be easy. Forbes magazine lists more than 300 billionaires in the United States, scores of whom keep homes in California. Laird said lawmakers were not privy to details of the settlement.

Hill said there's certainly much more the public will never know.

"To me, this case says there was someone out there feeling incredibly guilty about something. Or someone who inherited an incredible estate and was being incredibly cautious."

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Following through with your New Year's budget resolution

Let me guess: One of your New Year’s resolutions is to either get out of debt, start a savings account, or save up for something big like a vacation, a house, a new car, or an overpriced piece of mid-century modern furniture. You’re not alone. Promising to be better with money is one of the most popular resolutions people make, along with resolving to lose weight.

I make those same resolutions every year also. I do so-so on them, but that’s probably better than most people who don’t do a damn thing. I make do with a small income, but have almost no debt. The weight—well, let’s leave that for a fitness columnist. Here are some starter tips on paying down debt and increasing savings.

Read the rest of the story here.

Monday, December 11, 2006

How stoned did he have to be to make the call?

Man Calls 911 to Report Stolen Drugs

A Wichita man called 911 to report he was the victim of an armed robbery. The theft? A pound of marijuana worth about $1,100 that he had been trying to sell at his home.

The victim told police Thursday that a buyer had pulled out a sawed-off shotgun and stole the drugs.

Police brought in a drug-sniffing dog to the house and located more marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

The victim was booked into Sedgwick County jail on several charges, including possession with the intent to sell drug.

The thief has not been found.

Labels:

Friday, December 08, 2006

Free Food

Here is a terrible article on how to get free food, with such practical advice as picking leftover fruit from fields after they've been farmed, learn how to collect wild food in the forest, and getting rotten vegetables from the supermarket.

I have a much better chapter in Party Like a Rock Star about this same topic with actually-doable advice on finding the best supermarket samples, hitting bars with happy hour snacks, and a lot of other ideas.

Then again, her bad advice comes for free.

Give the Gift of Rock

Holiday reminder: If you haven't bought a copy of Party Like a Rock Star yet, get one for yourself this Christmas. If you already have one, get another as a gift for your impoverished friends and loved ones.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Scalping

I wrote a bunch about scalping in the book. There is a great article in Wired Magazine this month about people who do it professionally with the help of the internet.

Here's the quote I found most useful:
At least 17 states have laws limiting the profit you can make from reselling tickets, but none apply if you live out of state. And they're rarely enforced, whether you're a national brokerage or, um, me. Meanwhile, Ticketmaster, StubHub, and others are lobbying to make the whole thing legal nationwide.
The author of the article started with $500 and turned a profit of $732 after 38 days using varying online systems and never selling on the street. Not bad, not bad.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Now at Walmart

I'm surprised to find the book for sale at Walmart. Walmart? There are no Christian values in this book. Someone start a protest! We must make sure this satanic bible is purged from the shelves! This book should be banned! Burned! Obliterated!

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