Save on your Heating Bill, The Rock n' Roll Way

There are more creative ways to cut your heating bill this winter. Here are a few suggestions.

• Have more one night stands and host more orgies. Body heat really warms a room.
• Consider opening a branding parlor in your house. Not only will the residual heat keep the place toasty, your electric bill is now a business expense you can write off.
• Cover your windows with aluminum foil. This will both retain heat and keep the alien rays from probing your brain.
  
• Smoke more. Crack, cigarettes, even cloves- everything helps.
  
• Instead of walking, slither around your carpet like a snake. The friction gives off heat. Plus, rug burn is sexy.
  
• Instead of baking down your GHB in the oven, hold a lighter under the cookie sheet instead. It takes longer to produce the powder this way, but I've found if you huff some superglue first the time passes quickly.
  
• Host the weekly black mass at your place. More candles means warmer witches.
• Running a meth lab out of your house is going to be too costly this winter, so stock up and keep it running 24/7 (dipping into your own supply if you need help staying awake) before the rates go up.
  

Save on Heating

This article in the San Francisco Chronicle has dozens of tips on saving on your heating bill this winter. They don't offer any information you can't find elsewhere- wrap your hot water heater, set the thermostat lower, vacuum refrigerator coils, etc.- but it's worth taking another look. Heating bills are expected to be 70% more expensive this winter. That's gonna sting.

The Morning After

While most people treat the day after Thanksgiving as the biggest shopping day of the year, for me that's always been the day after Halloween. All those temporary costume stores that pop up for the month before the holiday try to unload all their merchandise at 50% off on November 1. And you can never have too much glitter hair spray or bad wigs.

Here's another tip I learned from the SF Chronicle's Culture Blog: Go scavenge for discarded costume parts after the end of the big street party. (In this case, Halloween night in the Castro.) Maybe you'll find enough devil horns or angel wings to make a pair.

Porn Pod

Personally, I like to keep my pornography only in a few formats- paper, DVD, VHS, mpeg movies, jpg files...okay maybe more than a few. But I don't feel that I need to have it on my cell phone and certainly not the new video iPod. Luckily, as Wired News reports, the big adult entertainment companies aren't rushing to fill the void just yet, so I won't be tempted.

Phone Home

I'd heard you could do it but had never witnessed it until today- The cell phone models in cell phone stores usually work, and have free long distance activated on them. I went into the Verizon store today (where I didn't get the annual free phone they owe me- screw the two-year minimum contract. that's bullshit.) and there were three people sitting on the floor talking on phones still attached to the theft-prevention cords. Stick it to the man, people!

Traveling Rock Star

I came across three discount travel articles this weekend:

• "Cheap" hotel rooms in NYC starting at $210/night
• Rick Steves talks about free sights London
• The capital of Slovakia, Bratislava, is still inexpensive

A few more scams

On the Metafilter.com discussion of the book, a poster pointed to some other postings where you can learn how to steal an entire cart of groceries, steal drinks in several different ways (some of them covered in Party Like a Rock Star), including tips on why it's easier to scam drinks in gay bars, how to get into amusement parks for free by blending in with a group of retarded or elderly people, why a wheelchair is a good way to smuggle things into a rock concert, how to record a concert and sell tapes (though with digital recorders this is probably irrelevant now), how to get free food at the drive-through by claiming that they forgot part of your earlier order, or at fancy restaurants by complaining the next day about when you were in previously.

Also, there is a huge list of other scams here, including defeating anti-shoplifting systems, getting free copies on coin-operated machines, ripping off all sorts of vending machines, money laundering, counterfeiting, and getting free pizza.

Halloween Party Savings

On one of my other blogs (you can never have to many), I talk about Halloween-flavored infused vodkas you can make at home. I'm cross-posting it here because infusions are a good way to save money. You know when you hit a party and don't want to show up with a six-pack of Schlitz because it's sorta fancier than that, yet you don't want to shell out 30 bucks for a bottle of booze to bring? That's when infusions save you some cash. Hand-made crafts are always cheaper yet garner more respect than something you just picked up at the store anyway.

So buy a big jug of vodka and split it into smaller bottles with infusions to take to parties. You can reuse rinsed-out bottles from things like vinegar and olive-oil, or buy some cheap glass container from the dollar store.

Read the blog to see which flavors work, and which don't.

Newness in Clubland

In New York, the Happy Valley nightclub has recently opened. The interior was designed by Jeremy Scott, who took the concept to ridiculous levels as he does everything. Judging from the pictures, the place is all sex and drugs and loud fashion, with a light-up floor in one section, the bar's backdrop of a pair of spread-eagled legs, a disco ball shaped DJ booth, and cheetah print furniture.

I've read that the toilets are also made of disc ball mirror tiles. I was thinking a while ago that I should invent a mirrored toilet seat (if there isn't one already), to make it easier to do lines on them in nightclub bathrooms. You could fit a whole lot more blow on a toilet seat than on a compact mirror. Perhaps someone should also invent mirrored keys, to make your bumps seem bigger and better. And a mirrored dance floor so you can look up your own skirt or hoover a fat line right on the floor.

I wonder why nobody has asked me to design a club. I'm a freaking design genius!

The stink of ink

The New York times today ran an article comparing the costs of using a photo printer at home (28 to 50 cents per print) versus using the digital photo print machines at places like Walgreens, Sam's Club, and the online services like Snapfish (10 to 20 cents per print). I've also noticed that at Walgreens you can now upload your pictures from home then pick them up from the store. That's convenient, because my home printer doesn't seem to print in color anymore. (Screw you, Lexmark!)

And speaking of digital photos, Chad Fox posted a bunch that he took of me. He makes me look kinda hot. I'd do me. I mention this because you'll definitely want to print out some of these photos to post above your bed or in your locker.

More tips from the internet

In the discussion thread on Metafilter about the book, commenters are sharing some of their own tips for scamming.

Decorating Tips for the Urban Rock Star

There's nothing like the awesome power of standing in front of a six-foot stack of speakers as you blast your screaming guitar solo to a crowd of tens of thousands. But if you live in a shoe box, don't play an instrument, and the only speakers you have are you iPod earbuds, you can at least fake it with these wall-sized speaker and crowd posters from RedHotRockShop.com.

"Are you ready to rock, bedroom?" (sound of fans screaming)

Mags 4 Less

Here's something I never knew- you can get magazine subscriptions for dirt cheap on eBay. They only cost 5 bucks or so. The tradeoff is you have to wait a few months for the subscription to start (so when you get your first renewal notice three months in advance you can place an order), but it's worth it for the price.